" I love you. "
That was the last word I heard from her. And today, she is no more.
From today onward, I have to address her using past tense. She was, she would, she did.
Today I had to mourn for the loss and try making a strong face in the crowd.
Funeral has never been easy for me. There is never really a guide on how to go through a funeral. Should one wept, should one stand there greeting people with a smile or should one just sat there in silence looking at old photograph and people that will slowly and surely remind back of the loss.
The loss. I never quite yet able to pronounce a much more accurate word-death. Because it seem so cruel and somehow I feel that by not pronouncing I will wake up from this nightmare.
The walk to the graveyard seem like eternity for me.
And as her body being buried, I realised that was the last moment I'm going to be seeing her.
And as her body was covered with dirt, so was my mind-with memory of hers.
People said, at death, memories come flashing back to us. They were right. I could remember all the details about her. The moment we set eye on each others, our first text message, our first fight and of course the day that I made her mine-the day that I put the ring into her tiny finger.
And most of all, I remembered the pranks she used to play on me. When I got the promotion, my birthday. She never did fail to surprise me. Oh, how I wish this is also her prank. That she will finally wake up and say 'got you' to my face.
But she never did.
People went as they came.
They offer condolences, they shook my hand as if it will help.
Family and friends would eventually call while others would wait for another tragedy to struck to be seeing on the doorstep.
And unlike any other night before, the house seem empty tonight.
Though when everything seem at loss, those tiny hands reaching to me as if comforting me. And as if in a dream, I could swear that I seen a tiny smile on those face.
Though only 2 days old, it was like she was holding me and saying ' its going to be OK dad.'
And at that moment, I just know what to name her.
Aurora-after her mother.